Study finds serial killers experience same ennui as office workers

By Jenny Montgomery

BALTIMORE, MD. (Concocted News)   – A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University has found that serial killers struggle with the same type of “burnout” and boredom that many office workers experience.

The study, published in the latest issue of Intriguing-Yet-Troubling  Quarterly, reveals that more than half of all serial killers eventually lose interest in their “work.”

Jim H. – who wishes to remain anonymous because he is a serial killer – told researchers about his frustration.

“I remember a time when I could just stab people all day long and never get tired of it,” he said. “Now, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.”

Much like a non-murderous, 9-to-5 office worker, serial killers often feel unfulfilled. Bill R. – who wishes to remain anonymous because he is a serial killer – talked about his disappointment.

“When I first started strangling folks years and years ago, it seemed like something that could really lead to great things,” he said. “But here I am, 20 years later, still strangling the same type of people in the same rundown neighborhoods.”

Leona Marshall, who led the study for Johns Hopkins, said the conclusions lead her to believe there’s not much difference between a serial killer and an administrative assistant.

“They have the same problems and face the same challenges that we all face,” Marshall said. “Sure, they kill people, but a lot of times, they don’t really enjoy it.”