Miami (Concocted News)--A scientist, Rudy Marks, killed by a cloned tiger early last year has himself been cloned and killed the original tiger. Marks who describes himself as, “A guy that’s usually pretty gentle,” bludgeoned the tiger with lab equipment used in the cloning.
“You kill me, I kill you, that’s the rule of the jungle and of genetic researchers,” explained Marks.
Champaign, ILL (Concocted News)--Sociologist and University of Illinois professor, Dr. Frank Strand, says his research indicates that all people who stereotype others are “stupid idiots.” Dr. Strand announced his findings at a press conference yesterday. “We found that 100 percent of people who label other people are stupid idiots and sub-morons,” said Dr. Strand. Dr. Strand admitted his research was based on interviews with only six people but he was able to extrapolate the data to apply to everyone who stereotypes another person.
The new study was Dr. Strand’s second important piece of research released during the past year. In late 2008, Dr. Strand concluded that anorexic people are much less likely to talk with their mouth full than people who do not have an eating disorder.
Ameer Jamal – the Iraqi college student who came up with the idea for Jerkistan – said it was a recent attempt to go out of town for spring break that prompted him to take action about the ongoing car bombings in his country.
"Me and some friends were gonna rent a car and go to the gulf for spring break," Jamal said. "But have you tried renting a car in Iraq? Yeah, didn’t think so. There aren’t any left!"
Jamal said he was tired of terrorists and snipers ruining the world opinion of his country – and of other countries in the Eastern Hemisphere. Through the social networking site Twitter, Jamal garnered support for his idea to use sand and chunks of rock from multiple countries to build the island nation of Jerkistan in the Arabian Sea.
Jamal’s girlfriend, Anisa Hammad, recalled the overwhelming reaction to Jamal’s tweet about his idea.
"Suddenly, we had people from, like, all over, tweeting about sending us sand and stuff for the project," she said. "I totally could not believe that Afghanistan was saying they’d lop off some of their mountaintops if it’d help build a new barren-piece-of-crap island where jerks would have to live."
Officials in the country of Pakistan said they had already loaded a planeload of wife-abusing snipers to be sent to the island, where they will live alongside other lowlifes that have been evicted from their home countries.
"They had their chance to be cool, but they just couldn’t get with the program," Jamal said.
