Violent Disagreement Over Messy Bathroom Leads to Even Messier Bathroom

California (Concocted News)--A heated argument over the cleanliness of a husband’s bathroom turned deadly over the weekend resulting in both the shooting death of 34-year-old Gloria Gravitz and a messier bathroom.   Mark Gravitz, 41, the deceased’s husband, who was charged with the murder, says the disagreement began early Saturday afternoon when his wife began complaining about the condition of his bathroom.

“She was all up in my face about it,” says Mark Gravitz.  “She hated mold like most people hate legislation that attempts to curtail certain greenhouse emissions when there aren’t sufficient funds to enforce it.  You know what I mean?”  

Gravitiz said the argument continued throughout the evening and concluded about the time they finished their second bottle of Bourbon.  That’s when the couple went into his bathroom one last time.

“Like everybody else I have a breaking point and like everybody else that’s when I start shooting,” explained Gravitz.  

Gloria Gravitz died in the bathroom as a result of a single gunshot wound to the head.    Police say piecing together events wasn’t too difficult because Mark Gravitz failed to clean-up the evidence before they arrived.  

“The bathroom was a mess,” said Detective Lance Livermore.  “There was mold, soap scum, and hard water stains everywhere,” he continued, “Oh, and blood, lots of blood--can’t forget that!”

Man Claims Tissue Box Able to Travel Between Dimensions

Indiana (Concocted News)--A man claimed yesterday that a tissue box in his car is able to travel interdimensionally.  Les Lawson, a 38-year old Indianapolis resident, says he’s convinced the tissue box in his car peridoically travels to another dimension and then returns without notice. 

Lawson made the claim after reaching into the backseat of his car while driving and not feeling the tissue box on the seat where he had placed it earlier in the week.  

“I know that’s where it was,” says Lawson, who claims to have extraordinary recall.  “I’ve been told I have a photogenic memory.” 

 Lawson believes his tissue box is an  intelligence collection system for an advanced alternate universe and therefore disappears unexpectedly as it traverses to an unseen plane of existence with it’s surreptiously collected intelligence.  

“See, my car ain’t that big, and for the tissue box to suddenly not be where I put it and later end up somewhere else in my car.....is just creepy,”  said Lawson.  

When asked if it were possible that the tissue box slid off the seat when he stopped too quickly and that’s why it ended up under another seat or elsewhere in the car, Lawson said that such an explanation seemed “ridiculous.” 

Nebraskan Man Upset Because of Mexicans Stealing his Job of Bitching About Illegal Immigrants

Nebraska (Concocted News)--Scott Johnson, 27, of Taylorsville, Nebraska launched a campaign this week to bar Mexicans from bitching about illegal immigrants claiming that right belongs exclusively to native born Americans.  

“I think it sucks that these Mexicans stand around and complain about Guatamalans taking over this country,” said Johnson.  “Complaining about foreigners stealing our jobs, and using up all of our social services is a right guaranteed to Americans in the Constitution.”  

Johnson may be correct in his assertion.  Professior J. Whitten Smithson, of Northwestern University, says that in fact the Consitituion does contain a little known amendment pertaining to who may and may not whine about poorly educated peasants stealing vegetable picking jobs.  

“The NInth Amedment does address it,” says Smithson.  “Specifically, the Amendment, often called the ‘The Right to Piss and Moan’ Amendment’, he continued, “Says, ‘Only Americans born in this country may file a greivance either written or oral in the halls of government or in a bar, tavern, or at a  drunk-ass backyard barbecue, when the subject of that grievance concerns illegal immigration.’”

Johnson, who at 5-7, towers over his 5-5 South of the Border adversaries, added, “Hey, let them earn their citizenship like I did  by knocking-up their 14-year-old girlfriend and stabbing their abusive step-father.  Then they can start crying big crocodile tears about the El Salvadoreans coming here and taking up all the corn husking jobs.”

Concocted News Hits the Newsstands

A new virtual newspaper called Concocted News has made its way online according to sources at Concocted News.  The newspaper consists entirely of fictitious stories if you can believe the sources cited in this account.  There is really no reason that you should.  

The newspaper full of made-up stories is intended to misinform people so they will have less of an understanding about the world and the events that shape their lives.  

"Knowledge is power," said one reporter at Concocted News, "But stupidness sells."   After it was pointed out to the reporter that Concocted News is free and so there is nothing to sell he said, "Well, freeness sells too."

If you are interested in reading Concocted News, and who wouldn't be after this whiz-bang lead story, you need do nothing more than continue reading.